This past weekend I lost an old friend to suicide. I’m still processing it but I think I am moving past the numbness, and I’ve been reminiscing about all of the good times. It is unfortunately another reminder to me of how we’ve become isolated. I can only speak to my experience, but I feel that as hard as I try to reclaim life as it was before the pandemic, it is increasingly difficult. There is only so much time, so many resources, so much bandwidth. My friends with their own families are busy being families, and there’s a lot to do there. Get kids to school (and whatever extracurricular activities those kids are up to), put food on the table and pay the bills, take care of their partners. If I am feeling stretched thin, how are they feeling? And do they have to do it all by themselves?

This is a time in which it more important than ever for us to rebuild community. It’s been chipped away for twenty-something years by a variety of factors. I can write fifty 2,000-word blog posts on that subject alone, because just thinking about it makes me mad and I get mouthy when I am mad. Let’s not do that, though. Let’s be more constructive. Let’s explore solutions to the problem of being so isolated. Let’s examine how we can rebuild community.

Less distractions. While spending time binging shows is a good way to slow down, at the end of the day we’re just being couch potatoes distracting ourselves from the horrors. Don’t get me wrong, distraction is good, and it’s a great way for families to connect. I am glad that my family spent Thursday nights watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. But we did more than that. Imagine if we all spend less time doomscrolling and binging, and a little more time hosting potlucks, or volunteering together in groups, or going to that city council meeting to tell them to keep their damn hands off of our libraries.

1. Slow down. This is going to be the most difficult thing. I only know how it works in my life, and I don’t know that I feel qualified to tell people how to do that. Thankfully, we have the power of the internet—there are some great online resources out there. Do what you can, and you don’t have to do it all at one time. Slowing down is gradual, after all, right?
2. Spend irl time with people, not social media time. This is going to be another tough thing to do, but I feel that it fits into slowing down. It takes effort, just as slowing down does, but it is worth it. It can make a difference for someone who is struggling, as well. I wish I had been able to spend more time with the friend I lost this weekend, even if that time spent hadn’t changed that outcome. Maybe it could have. We have to try.
3. Less distractions. While spending time binging shows is a good way to slow down, at the end of the day we’re just being couch potatoes distracting ourselves from the horrors. Don’t get me wrong, distraction is good, and it’s a great way for families to connect. I am glad that my family spent Thursday nights watching Star Trek: The Next Generation. But we did more than that. Imagine if we all spend less time doomscrolling and binging, and a little more time hosting potlucks, or volunteering together in groups, or going to that city council meeting to tell them to keep their damn hands off of our libraries.